read no further if you are squeamish, my language and sense of appropriateness can be ...lacking. However if you're up for a blunt and up front "how-to" on the big O, click after the link...
I was talking to a friend of mine who was a little concerned about her relationship. Sure, she liked him, yeah, he liked her, it was getting serious and although they had spats, things were fine. sort of. Well, the sex wasn't what it used to be. She wasn't as into as she used to be. He wanted anal more now and she likes it and all ..sometimes, when he does it right. He complained she wasn't interested in sucking his dick much anymore, and it was true -he stopped washing as often as usual and didn't bother to prepare for bedtime. He didn't smell that great after all-day and she had lost her taste for it. Not that she minds sweat, it’s just that all-day sweat from work mixed w/ drops of urine is different than sweat from jogging or playing sports. Oh yeah, and another thing, she never cums during sex. She quickly adds that its "pleasant" and she still likes it a lot.
I say: This is dangerously rampant in our society. Good sex leads to less violence, overall better satisfaction with life, and being a better person in general. And it's fun. So I'm doning my cape and becoming Captain Save-a-ho.
okay, so, sex does not have to be: to make babies, to get close to someone, to orgasm, spontaneous, or any number of other things. It is just an activity. You and your partner are what make it special for you.
women, and most men most of the time, need to be relaxed to enjoy sex and to orgasm. the orgasm itself is an eruption of stimulation that often has been building for some time but it can be completely spontaneous!!
sex is better in a relationship. i promise. it will also make a relationship better (not in a "i have to have sex to please him" way)
sooo, how to orgasm:
relax, let your muscles go, be in a good mood (everyone is responsible for their own good mood), allow yourself to think about your fantasies (like when you masturbate) while he/she is touching you. Relax all of you muscles, look at your man/woman’s body, touch their skin, their hair, teeth. If you find this distasteful you are with the wrong person or you need to practice -many of us are too uptight to actually do these small actions that seem so simple. The idea is worship of another person -not like god or anything, but the fact that they are alive, that they exist, and you have fingertips that can explore that existence.
close your eyes in-between and do kegel exercises.
Much of this is done before penetration.
don't think about changing the sheets, work, or his/her shortcomings earlier that day, force yourself to stay focused on his/her caresses.
DO NOT feel bad/guilty about how long it takes you to become aroused, DO NOT feel bad about the amount of time you're making him/her touch you before you reciprocate or begin penetration or how long it is after they cum. Just give gentle encouragement: breathe deeper and let out sighs of enjoyment when they touch you right, moan a little -it will arouse both of you. Give feedback -pleasure moans and intake of breath -then letting with little sighs let someone else know you like it and is often easier than saying "don't do that!!"
be a tease, be teased.
your pussy and vaginal area will become tighter when you are actually aroused and this is the energy you work with. A woman's orgasm is when an amount of building energy comes to a head and bursts.
1) when he/she is on top, pull your pussy muscles up and in (like sucking in your lower stomach muscles), grind your hips in circles so that your clitoris gets pressure at the top of every circular motion and you are lifting your butt slightly off the bed to meet his/her penetration. Then use your lower abs and pussy muscles to pull your shoulders slightly off the bed -this is sort of like doing sit-ups. From time to time, pulse your inner thigh muscles, squeeze them together. You are building energy over your entire butt, thigh, and vaginal area, concentrate on that building energy –it’s sort of like a note, a vibration that when played just right, explodes in your body.
2) when you are on top (GET OVER BEING AFRAID OF THIS) pump your butt and pelvis like riding a horse -you are riding him/her!! Again, pull up and in on your pussy, ride, and make sure your clit is getting pressure. Slow down, speed up, play with different angles, wait for and learn to recognize the “note”
3) when your are sitting on a chair, do your kegels, stop, relax all muscles, squeeze the inside of your thighs together, stop, let go, do again. When squeezing your thighs together don’t use the outside muscles of your butt and hips, use the inner thigh muscles. Build the energy, using your hips rub your clit on the seam of your jeans, etc. Pressure over the vagina can give a much harder/stronger orgasm than clitoral stimulation when the timing is right.
Practice. Just like anything, practice makes perfect. If you can't do all these things at once, pick one or two tidbits that make sense to you and work on them. You do have to work for it but its great exercise and the benefits include better overall health: orgasms are good for you.
I say: This is dangerously rampant in our society. Good sex leads to less violence, overall better satisfaction with life, and being a better person in general. And it's fun. So I'm doning my cape and becoming Captain Save-a-ho.
okay, so, sex does not have to be: to make babies, to get close to someone, to orgasm, spontaneous, or any number of other things. It is just an activity. You and your partner are what make it special for you.
women, and most men most of the time, need to be relaxed to enjoy sex and to orgasm. the orgasm itself is an eruption of stimulation that often has been building for some time but it can be completely spontaneous!!
sex is better in a relationship. i promise. it will also make a relationship better (not in a "i have to have sex to please him" way)
sooo, how to orgasm:
relax, let your muscles go, be in a good mood (everyone is responsible for their own good mood), allow yourself to think about your fantasies (like when you masturbate) while he/she is touching you. Relax all of you muscles, look at your man/woman’s body, touch their skin, their hair, teeth. If you find this distasteful you are with the wrong person or you need to practice -many of us are too uptight to actually do these small actions that seem so simple. The idea is worship of another person -not like god or anything, but the fact that they are alive, that they exist, and you have fingertips that can explore that existence.
close your eyes in-between and do kegel exercises.
Much of this is done before penetration.
don't think about changing the sheets, work, or his/her shortcomings earlier that day, force yourself to stay focused on his/her caresses.
DO NOT feel bad/guilty about how long it takes you to become aroused, DO NOT feel bad about the amount of time you're making him/her touch you before you reciprocate or begin penetration or how long it is after they cum. Just give gentle encouragement: breathe deeper and let out sighs of enjoyment when they touch you right, moan a little -it will arouse both of you. Give feedback -pleasure moans and intake of breath -then letting with little sighs let someone else know you like it and is often easier than saying "don't do that!!"
be a tease, be teased.
your pussy and vaginal area will become tighter when you are actually aroused and this is the energy you work with. A woman's orgasm is when an amount of building energy comes to a head and bursts.
1) when he/she is on top, pull your pussy muscles up and in (like sucking in your lower stomach muscles), grind your hips in circles so that your clitoris gets pressure at the top of every circular motion and you are lifting your butt slightly off the bed to meet his/her penetration. Then use your lower abs and pussy muscles to pull your shoulders slightly off the bed -this is sort of like doing sit-ups. From time to time, pulse your inner thigh muscles, squeeze them together. You are building energy over your entire butt, thigh, and vaginal area, concentrate on that building energy –it’s sort of like a note, a vibration that when played just right, explodes in your body.
2) when you are on top (GET OVER BEING AFRAID OF THIS) pump your butt and pelvis like riding a horse -you are riding him/her!! Again, pull up and in on your pussy, ride, and make sure your clit is getting pressure. Slow down, speed up, play with different angles, wait for and learn to recognize the “note”
3) when your are sitting on a chair, do your kegels, stop, relax all muscles, squeeze the inside of your thighs together, stop, let go, do again. When squeezing your thighs together don’t use the outside muscles of your butt and hips, use the inner thigh muscles. Build the energy, using your hips rub your clit on the seam of your jeans, etc. Pressure over the vagina can give a much harder/stronger orgasm than clitoral stimulation when the timing is right.
Practice. Just like anything, practice makes perfect. If you can't do all these things at once, pick one or two tidbits that make sense to you and work on them. You do have to work for it but its great exercise and the benefits include better overall health: orgasms are good for you.
Its easier to cum at different times in your cycle than others and you'll learn to recognize this. Some days, an orgasm takes a lot of work, other days out of nowhere your body suddenly WANTS to orgasm and all you have to do is apply the lightest of touches to set of explosion after explosion.
You should want to serve and be served in sex, not in the sadomasochistic manner, but in the appreciation of another person and of life, manner. Seriously. Good sex makes you a better person. Don't be afraid of bodily fluids or to try things. you should want to suck dick or eat pussy –it’s not embarrassing or disgusting or vulgar and does not actually have the power plays attached to (ie she sucked my dick, she's a whore, or dicks are so disgusting i don't want it near my face) . If you or your partner feel this way, you shouldn't be having sex, at least not with each other, or you need to work through it. Also, there are different levels of orgasm. Men generally have two 1) oh good, I came 2) oh my GOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!! Eyes glazed over, sweat, panting. Same with women, when you get it right, it’s awesome.
with practice, you will orgasm stronger, and more easily.
if anyone wants info on particular topics ie anal sex, i can address that too.
You should want to serve and be served in sex, not in the sadomasochistic manner, but in the appreciation of another person and of life, manner. Seriously. Good sex makes you a better person. Don't be afraid of bodily fluids or to try things. you should want to suck dick or eat pussy –it’s not embarrassing or disgusting or vulgar and does not actually have the power plays attached to (ie she sucked my dick, she's a whore, or dicks are so disgusting i don't want it near my face) . If you or your partner feel this way, you shouldn't be having sex, at least not with each other, or you need to work through it. Also, there are different levels of orgasm. Men generally have two 1) oh good, I came 2) oh my GOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!! Eyes glazed over, sweat, panting. Same with women, when you get it right, it’s awesome.
with practice, you will orgasm stronger, and more easily.
if anyone wants info on particular topics ie anal sex, i can address that too.
with all my love,
melissaO
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